Moving Bedrooms

For years my two youngest children have been inseparable. They have laughed and played together and until recently have absolutely loved each other’s company.

Lately things have shifted. Mr 5 has started finding his 'voice' and is getting better at expressing his thoughts and opinions about his play suggestions and what is ‘fair’.

This has led to frequent ‘differences of opinion’. While conflict resolution is an important part of sibling relations, Miss 8 seems to have 'moved on' and would rather spend time by herself jumping on the trampoline, listening to music, reading, drawing or playing with her older sisters.

Meanwhile Mr 5 desperately wants to make paper planes and play any type of ball sport with her. This change in interests and allegiance has caused many an argument (paper planes hitting Miss 8 while she tries to read…soccer balls knocking over her textas… you get the idea).

Since we moved into our current house, Mr 5 and Miss 8 have happily shared a bedroom. At night I loved listening to them giggle and chat until they both fell asleep.

This too has changed. The laughter has been replaced with regular arguments and complaints:

"Mum, I can't go to sleep, he is looking at me"🤦‍♀️

"Mum...she won’t 'shush' and let me sleep"

It got to the point where I suggested it might be a good idea for one of them to move permanently into the study.

They both thought this was a great idea for different reasons. Miss 8 thought it would be the perfect opportunity to 'ship' her brother off to the study and have space for a desk in her current bedroom.

While Mr 5, liked the idea of having more space to kick the soccer ball around in his room.

Of course, they then proceeded to have an argument over who would stay and who would move. They both wanted to stay. (The study is not quite as 'inviting' as their current bedroom)

I suggested the age-old tried-and-true teacher conflict resolution strategy of 'Pick a number between 1-10 and whoever gets closest to my chosen number wins' (I am of course wise to the fact this game is another informal opportunity for thinking about ordering numbers, another reason it is high on my dispute solving 'playlist').

As we all know, sometimes as teachers we need to ‘bend the rules’ so the student we need to win in a particular situation (for various reasons) does… sometimes teacher judgment overrules the unpredictability of 'chance'!

So rather than leave the important decision of who would be able to stay in the bedroom, and who would have to pack their bags (aka carry their teddies and blankets next door) to chance, I let my son win.

My reason was based in science (well that is what I am telling myself).

I knew Miss 8 was 'keener' than Mr 5 to have her own room, basically her ideal situation was for her brother to move into the study so she could stay in her room.

I wanted to test how 'keen' she actually was by making her move.

I needed to check if she wanted to have her own room enough to move into an 'unfamiliar' space.

If Mr 5 moved into the study, there were two possible explanations for why he might not like the experience:

1. he was in a room by himself for the first time and

2. he was also in an unfamilar space

For Miss 8, I was certain she wanted to be on her own, so there was only 1 reason she would not like the study- because it wasn't as cozy as her current room.

Here is where the science comes in…in a science experiment you only want to change one thing at a time. Change more than one thing, and you can't tell which variable changed the outcome.

Long story short… Miss 8 lasted 1 night in the study and wanted to go back to her old room with her brother! Mr 5 was very happy too, he missed his sister and wanted her to come back!

So, after all that, we are back to square one! There is still the occasional argument, but generally I think they have both realised the grass isn't greener in the study!

This scenario made me think of change at a system level. So often we make big changes and we change too many things at once. We adopt a shiny new approach because it sounds like the 'silver bullet'. Then we can't tell exactly what worked (or didn't work). 

The reality is, there is no 'silver bullet', change is slow. Over the last few months I have been reading the book 'Good to Great' by Jim Collins. For five years Jim and his team researched the key concepts that made companies go from good to great. There are many take-aways that can be applied in schools and education systems. Jim describes how his team found over and over that less successful companies found themselves in the 'Doom Loop'.

The 'Doom Loop' involves:

Disappointing results> Reaction without Understanding> New direction, program, leader, event, fad or acquisition> No buildup, no accumulated momentum>which leads back to disappointing results and the Doom Loop starts again!

Sound familiar?!

Collins explained that the less successful companies often launched new programs with great hoopla and fanfare:

"They would push the flywheel in one direction, then stop, change course, and throw it in a new direction- and then they would stop, change course and throw it in a new direction... After years of lurching back and forth they failed to build sustained momentum and fell into the doom loop" p. 178

One of the key things Collins and his team found was that successful companies have a clear purpose and consistency. They build momentum, energize their staff by sharing tangible evidence that their plans make sense and work.

For me, this is what is needed in education. I know it isn't easy. But we all need to be pushing in the same direction together!

There is no doubt that we all want our education system to be great...it will take time (longer than one political term!). But if we continue to 'react without understanding' to each year's release of the NAPLAN results and try to come up with a 'quick fix' so it 'looks' like we are solving the problem (but we are actually making things worse)... we will continue in the Doom Loop!

The most successful schools and systems I have worked with understand success takes time! They put time and money into upskilling their teachers- they invest in their knowledge and understanding and build their capacity. They share small wins to energise their staff, and together they take small and strategically planned steps forward, to continually build momentum on their flywheel!

So this week… I encourage you to carefully consider how we can keep our flywheel moving forward, avoid the 'doom loop' and bonus points if you use 'pick a number between 1 and 10' as part of your conflict resolution:)

Have a great week!

Ange🎲🎓

P.S. You can download the PDF version of this blog to print or share with colleagues here.